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It does not take a village to raise a child: And other fatherly advice from me to you on Father’s Day
Posted on Wed, June 11th, 2008
Written by: Bill DeVoe,
email: devoew@spotlightnews.com
Hello and welcome to a special Father’s Day edition of “Pop Culture,” America’s No. 1 resource for parenting advice.
You know, I’ve been at this fatherhood thing for a little over four years now, and that obviously makes me an expert on the subject, so in the spirit of Father’s Day, I’d like to impart some fatherly advice to any expecting, new or just terrible fathers out there.
I’m sure that if new fathers and longtime dads alike follow this advice to the letter, they will wind up with well-rounded, healthy youngsters.
Setting aside 20 percent of your gross annual income for therapy is good insurance, however.
That being said, here we go:
• Don’t listen to Dr. Spock.
There is no doubt Dr. Benjamin Spock’s influence will reach far into many generations of children. The man who would become what some would call the most trusted pediatrician and best-selling author of all time was born in New Haven, Conn., on May 2, 1903. As the eldest of six children, Benjamin McLane Spock was immersed in the world of childcare at an early age, helping to change diapers, babysit, feed, and otherwise attend to his siblings. Spock authored “Baby and Child Care,” in which he assured parents that they were the true experts on their own children. Spock urged parents to be flexible and see their children as individuals.
Shortly after this, Spock ventured into the great unknown by enlisting in the Starfleet academy and traipsing around the galaxy with a much better father figure: Captain James T. Kirk.
Kirk obviously was much better suited for fatherhood than Spock. This is evidenced in a lot of the advice he doled out to his comrades and subordinates.
The next time your toddler is throwing a tantrum, heed the advice of James Tiberius Kirk: “We humans are full of unpredictable emotions that logic alone cannot solve.”
And the next time your young one wonders why he can’t stay up late and eat ice cream, when he knows darn well that you’re going to do exactly that, tell him, “One of the advantages of being Captain is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it.”
I’ll tell you what, you replace “Captain” with “dad” in that sentence, and you’ve got the parenting philosophy of about 99 percent of the fathers out there.
When your children are grown and entering the working world, you can prepare them with this little gem Kirk probably fired off as an afterthought: “A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted.”
That’s wisdom, sir.
• Don’t be afraid to use the undead as a motivational tool.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I took my son, Kevin, to see the movie, “Iron Man.” We explained to him that, even though he may have questions during the movie, he would have to be as quiet as possible so as not to disturb anyone else. About, oh, two seconds into the film, Kevin began asking us questions rather loudly about what was going on onscreen.
After a few unsuccessful attempts to quiet him, I leaned down and said in his ear, “Kevin, I want you to be as quiet as you would be when the zombies come looking for you.”
He didn’t say another word for the rest of the film.
For decades the debate has raged on as to whether or not the threat of flesh-eating zombies is an effective parenting tool, but I’ve found that I can use the threat of a zombie invasion in nearly any difficult parenting situation. It can be as logical as, “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you won’t have the strength to outrun the hordes of undead that want to eat your flesh,” or used as unsophisticatedly as, “Zombies think kids with dirty ears taste better.”
This works particularly when kids are at the stage where they play one parent off of the other. You tell them they can’t set the dog on fire, they’ll go ask your wife the same thing. The sad thing is, sometimes it works. Sometimes, whether it’s by accident or the result of a great deal of whining and pleading, one parent does say the opposite of what the other parent has already said.
This is why zombies are an excellent resource. No kid will argue with a zombie. No child will take what you said back to a zombie and expect it to say something different. If you tell a kid that if he doesn’t pick up his toys he will have his skull bitten by a rotting, stinking ghoul, those toys will be picked up.
Try it, you won’t be sorry.
• It does not take a village to raise a child.
Whoever said that must be some sort of failed presidential candidate or something. It does not take a village. By most accounts, every village has an idiot and at least one in Texas has lost theirs. If they can’t even keep track of their idiots, how do you expect them to keep an eye on your kids? There are some pretty crazy people in most villages, and I’d appreciate it if they had nothing whatsoever to do with the raising of my children.
From what I understand, villages produce only a few types of people: policemen, construction workers, bikers, cowboys and American Indian chiefs. My son wants to be a racecar driver when he grows up and, from what I’ve seen, villages have no vocational programs for that kind of thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been to some pretty quaint villages, but if they were so great a place, they’d be cities by now, with, you know, running water and stuff.
You know what it takes to raise good children? Good parents. Parents who are mature, supportive and caring enough to use horrific images and television shows to raise their children the best they can.
Happy Father’s Day. Go mow the lawn.
Bill DeVoe is the managing editor of Spotlight Newspapers. His column "Pop Culture" can be found in Spotlight Newspapers. He can be reached at devoew@spotlightnews.com.
You can contact devoew@spotlightnews.com with any questions. Also, feel free to post comments below.
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Nobody has made any comments about this yet... you could be the first. Comment about this article.
Posted on Wed, June 11th, 2008Written by: Bill DeVoe,
email: devoew@spotlightnews.com
Hello and welcome to a special Father’s Day edition of “Pop Culture,” America’s No. 1 resource for parenting advice.
You know, I’ve been at this fatherhood thing for a little over four years now, and that obviously makes me an expert on the subject, so in the spirit of Father’s Day, I’d like to impart some fatherly advice to any expecting, new or just terrible fathers out there.
I’m sure that if new fathers and longtime dads alike follow this advice to the letter, they will wind up with well-rounded, healthy youngsters.
Setting aside 20 percent of your gross annual income for therapy is good insurance, however.
That being said, here we go:
• Don’t listen to Dr. Spock.
There is no doubt Dr. Benjamin Spock’s influence will reach far into many generations of children. The man who would become what some would call the most trusted pediatrician and best-selling author of all time was born in New Haven, Conn., on May 2, 1903. As the eldest of six children, Benjamin McLane Spock was immersed in the world of childcare at an early age, helping to change diapers, babysit, feed, and otherwise attend to his siblings. Spock authored “Baby and Child Care,” in which he assured parents that they were the true experts on their own children. Spock urged parents to be flexible and see their children as individuals.
Shortly after this, Spock ventured into the great unknown by enlisting in the Starfleet academy and traipsing around the galaxy with a much better father figure: Captain James T. Kirk.
Kirk obviously was much better suited for fatherhood than Spock. This is evidenced in a lot of the advice he doled out to his comrades and subordinates.
The next time your toddler is throwing a tantrum, heed the advice of James Tiberius Kirk: “We humans are full of unpredictable emotions that logic alone cannot solve.”
And the next time your young one wonders why he can’t stay up late and eat ice cream, when he knows darn well that you’re going to do exactly that, tell him, “One of the advantages of being Captain is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it.”
I’ll tell you what, you replace “Captain” with “dad” in that sentence, and you’ve got the parenting philosophy of about 99 percent of the fathers out there.
When your children are grown and entering the working world, you can prepare them with this little gem Kirk probably fired off as an afterthought: “A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted.”
That’s wisdom, sir.
• Don’t be afraid to use the undead as a motivational tool.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I took my son, Kevin, to see the movie, “Iron Man.” We explained to him that, even though he may have questions during the movie, he would have to be as quiet as possible so as not to disturb anyone else. About, oh, two seconds into the film, Kevin began asking us questions rather loudly about what was going on onscreen.
After a few unsuccessful attempts to quiet him, I leaned down and said in his ear, “Kevin, I want you to be as quiet as you would be when the zombies come looking for you.”
He didn’t say another word for the rest of the film.
For decades the debate has raged on as to whether or not the threat of flesh-eating zombies is an effective parenting tool, but I’ve found that I can use the threat of a zombie invasion in nearly any difficult parenting situation. It can be as logical as, “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you won’t have the strength to outrun the hordes of undead that want to eat your flesh,” or used as unsophisticatedly as, “Zombies think kids with dirty ears taste better.”
This works particularly when kids are at the stage where they play one parent off of the other. You tell them they can’t set the dog on fire, they’ll go ask your wife the same thing. The sad thing is, sometimes it works. Sometimes, whether it’s by accident or the result of a great deal of whining and pleading, one parent does say the opposite of what the other parent has already said.
This is why zombies are an excellent resource. No kid will argue with a zombie. No child will take what you said back to a zombie and expect it to say something different. If you tell a kid that if he doesn’t pick up his toys he will have his skull bitten by a rotting, stinking ghoul, those toys will be picked up.
Try it, you won’t be sorry.
• It does not take a village to raise a child.
Whoever said that must be some sort of failed presidential candidate or something. It does not take a village. By most accounts, every village has an idiot and at least one in Texas has lost theirs. If they can’t even keep track of their idiots, how do you expect them to keep an eye on your kids? There are some pretty crazy people in most villages, and I’d appreciate it if they had nothing whatsoever to do with the raising of my children.
From what I understand, villages produce only a few types of people: policemen, construction workers, bikers, cowboys and American Indian chiefs. My son wants to be a racecar driver when he grows up and, from what I’ve seen, villages have no vocational programs for that kind of thing.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been to some pretty quaint villages, but if they were so great a place, they’d be cities by now, with, you know, running water and stuff.
You know what it takes to raise good children? Good parents. Parents who are mature, supportive and caring enough to use horrific images and television shows to raise their children the best they can.
Happy Father’s Day. Go mow the lawn.
Bill DeVoe is the managing editor of Spotlight Newspapers. His column "Pop Culture" can be found in Spotlight Newspapers. He can be reached at devoew@spotlightnews.com.
You can contact devoew@spotlightnews.com with any questions. Also, feel free to post comments below.
Readers had this to say
Nobody has made any comments about this yet... you could be the first. Comment about this article.